omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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