I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
