my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
