He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
