the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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