When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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