I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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