reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
