Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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