That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
