I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
