so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i think i just lost a toe
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
