Porn is love you can see.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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