My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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