and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.