You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
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this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.