guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.