just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.