his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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