the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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