Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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