So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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