Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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