You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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