All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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