white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is that a dick in a sweater?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
