so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
