distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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