oh god the rape fog is back!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
