is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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