Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
