Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
