Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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