They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
