well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
