Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
