My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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