The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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