I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
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