the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
