Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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