if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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