I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
