it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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