her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
