You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
