Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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