Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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