im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
