you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Success! We fucked roommates!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
