You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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