community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
