so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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