Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
