she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
