just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
