In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
