I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
