She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think people are normalizing furries
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
