Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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